Thursday, September 9, 2010


Alright, Hellementary is awful at it's best. The whole movie there are kids that broke into an old school where people were killed 19 years ago and what do they do...spread out. Seriously that's a great idea right?! One by one they're killed and a ghost appears to Sarah and tells her she's 'the key' which really means she has a key on a necklace her mother found when she was born and died after having her. It's lame seriously and the only thing remotely scary or interesting was the old school teacher with spiked teeth, a long black trench coat and a huge amish looking scary hat.

Check it out....or don't your choice!


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

FAIL: The source

I sat down to watch some 'Back to Ghoul' week on Chiller and The Source was on.

The beginning was pretty upsetting, very badly dialogued, just kids who get pushed around I guess. So Reese just started at a new school and the kids think he's a joke cause he wears all black and eyeliner...then there's Phoebe she doesn't seem anything different except all the douche bags at this school are preps...well all but these four. Zack comes into the picture when he sticks up for Reese who is about to get his ass beat in the locker room for not taking anybodies shit. After school Phoebe and Zack are heading to a 'secret spot' and take Reese with them. This spot they say holds some kind of vortex with powers that they haven't found. Ashley joins the group, she's Zack's sister, and she's a bitch. YAY Reese found rocks that glow when he tried to go piss on a tree. Somehow Zack does some crazy shit with a laptop, wire and mirrors or glass and when they step on the rocks they get a sort of charge which renders them powers. So the four each have a different power and they go back to school and decide they're going to go all Carrie on everyone, without the killing part.

Don't get me wrong I started to dig this one right around the middle. They were getting to read minds and tell people what to do and then....Ashley thinks she's 'a god', she's all out of control and has a little group of followers who do what she tells them. The group tries to get her to knock it off after she has her lackeys kill the principal.

The movie quickly goes lame again when she starts having people do stupid shit like stay in school and let her hit them with dodge balls while she screams 'detention' in a high pitched make you cringe kinda yell. Reese is finally the only one whose powers are the strongest and is able to stop her and surprise everyone is fine. At the end she's in an institution and one of her teachers still under her power brings her a piece of the rocks that glow and her eyes turn blue..that's it peace out.

Other than everything being some kind of neon and nothing in the movie actually being scary, creepy or even interesting it is a pretty good plot just not so awesomely played out. So if you have Chiller check it out it's remotely entertaining.

Hopefully I'll get to watch Hellementary tomorrow.


Sunday, September 5, 2010

Rocky Horror I love you!

I almost began to think my love for Rocky Horror was dying...I haven't seen it in a theater in like 5 years and it was killing me. It's incredible to be surrounded by "Virgins" who have to strip down and stand in a long line to hump each other and run around the theater in underwear. The kidds who get to go in and act out scenes are incredible and you get to throw shit and everyone knows all the lines. It's a fucking good time! So when I found this gorgeous piece of hard candy that I HAD TO HAVE as soon as I saw it I knew my love was still alive!

Once I got it home I couldn't take my eyes off of it, of course I couldn't take anymore of a Rocky Horror break I needed to see it and set it to repeat in my bedroom for an entire day. Once I had my fix for a little while I had an itch to see Tim Curry so I watched Clue and Home Alone 2 as well. I need a theater to pop my 5 year cherry, someone find me one please!!


Friday, November 20, 2009

The Shining (1980)

Eva told me before I decided to dust off my copy of The Shining and attempt a review of it that it's a pretty ambitious task. I'm pretty sure now that after watching it about one and a half times and doing some research that ambitious might be an understatement. So as this doesn't end up like the treacherous book-report style of my last review, I'll leave out the plot details. Not only to keep the length short, but also because of the novel. When I first got into Stephen King books about... almost ten years ago, the second book I read was The Shining. And... believe it or not I'd actually never seen the whole 1980 version of the film, nor any version for that matter. I'd only been familiar with the popular references to the film in popular culture; things like "Here's Johnny" and "redrum".

Anyway, I sped through the book rather quickly and at this point in time I cannot recall a lot of it. I do remember thinking once I'd finished the book that I would be pretty astonished if that book was successfully fit into a 2 hour and 20 minute movie. Well.... it wasn't really. On the DVD itself it says "Stanley Kubrick's The Shining" and that couldn't be more true. I've only watched two other Kubrick films ('Full Metal Jacket' and 'Eyes Wide Shut') and the novel aside, this film seems to meet all the 'criteria' that make a Kubrick film. I haven't studied his work excessively, but I do know that a lot of his acclaim comes from his use of new (at the time) camera angles, such as we see when Jack is trapped in the dry food storage room. Overall, the film leaves you with a rather uncomfortable feeling, a lot like those other two did the first time I'd watched them.

Because I have a tendency to go on and on about plot details that aren't neccessary to a review, I've elected to do my reviews in a more 'pros and cons' format as follows.

What I liked about The Shining:

Scatman Crothers - The character Dick Hallorann is my favorite in this movie. The kind old man and his insight on the 'shine' are really the key that unlocks the big mystery of this movie. Also I think it's funny as shit when he says "...they turned out to be completely unreliable assholes." And his winter house down in Florida looks pretty sweet.

"...a dozen jugs of black molasses, we got sixty boxes of dried milk, thirty twelve-pound bags of sugar... Now we got dried peaches, dried apricots, dried raisins and dried prunes."

Jack Torrance - Jackie must hold a record for the shortest amount of time for a character in a movie to go from 'pretty normal asshole' to 'batshit crazy'. Granted, their stay at the Overlook was quite a long and solitary one. I still think that the degree of batshit crazy that he goes is quite incredible. I found myself laughing when he fell down the staircase or when he was chopping away at the second door. "Little pigs!" The disheveled look combined with wailing an axe at a door that he honestly may have been able to kick in is a great combination. It's great for a few laughs.

The 'Caretaker' Position - Am I the only one who would so do this job? I don't think so. A whole hotel to yourself? All the goodness of a veritable bomb-shelter of food and supplies to last you for a couple years? Oh... and get fucking paid for it? I'm so in. It's the same reason why I love movies like Dawn of the Dead... a whole mall to yourself? See, in the Shining, it's better because you don't have the threat of zombie attacks. Anyway, I've always felt I had to share that. I first realized it I think when Dick Hallorann is listing off all the foods in the freezer and dry storage room. Damn!

What I didn't like about The Shining:

Wendy Fucking Torrance - Ok, I know it's sort of a horror movie, but does she have to spend the last 45 minutes of the movie screaming? I know it's a horror staple, but maybe I just can't stand her scream. And... AND... who in the holy crap-fuck taught this lady how to hold a bat? I can't stand her using both hands to hold the middle of the bat while she's being inched up the stairs by Jack. I guess I should really be happy that she isn't holding the fucker backwards... oh well.

The Novel vs. The Movie - This is one of the Stephen King books that, when 'adapted' to film, should have been given a different name. I'm trying not to ruin the novel or the movie for anyone who might not've seen/read them, but the ending of the movie is downright disappointing. If you feel this way too, read the book. Don't know why the Overlook Hotel is such a bad place? Read the book. I'm not saying don't watch the movie, but if you already have, give the book a shot. It's a hefty 600+ pages, but you'll be glad you did.

Overall, I like this movie and I could watch it a thousand times and not get bored of if, but it really is not an adaptation of the book, it's Stanley Kubrick's take on the novel. In the future I'm going to be trying to get my hands on a copy of the miniseries version of this movie, and even sooner than that I'm going to re-read the book with all the emptiness that I'm feeling after reading others' comparison of the book vs. the movie. Stay tuned for the Book and miniseries review. I'm finishing out another King novel at the moment but I do think a refresher course on The Shining is well overdue.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween!

Psycho (1960)

Jordy has ever so lovingly left me home alone this Halloween night, at least until much later. And as it is there is nothing to do until peak bar hour so, I have decided to bring you the original Psycho.

The first time I saw Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho I was a tiny little kid running around screaming as my mother tried to put my little brother and myself to bed after the insane amount of sugar we consumed on Halloween night. I remember my mom and dad sitting down after we were "in bed" and hearing the music of Psycho. I love, though it did always frighten me, the perfection the pieces of movie fit into the music. I remember pulling tricks like; "Mommy, I'm thirsty", "My belly hurts" anything to catch a glimpse at the master piece I wasn't allowed to watch. Don't misunderstand, we were raised on horror flicks, the best too! Psycho was just one of the ones my mom left from the box for a while. Other than that specific night I can't honestly say I remember too much of where my love for Alfred Hitchcock movies and shows came from.

Psycho is the sort of incredible you couldn't anticipate. The man and woman of the hour are Marion Crane played by Janet Leigh and Norman Bates by Anthony Perkins. Marion Crane embezzles 40K from her employer, she is supposed to deposit the money and takes a little trip instead. Marion's boyfriend Sam lives in another town and she decides she is going for a little vacation and picking Sam up on the way. She drives all through the night and pulls over for sleep on the highway, a knock on the window and a police officer has questions. The officer lets Marion go after checking her license and she's off to the next town to buy a new car, clever girl. She then drives on, then comes Bates Motel.

Marion is so exhausted she pulls in to the motel this time instead of the shoulder of the highway. She is immediately met by Norman Bates, a very backward, sheltered mama's boy. Norman gives her cabin one and invites Marion up for dinner, she accepts and he runs up to the house atop the hill behind the motel to prepare sandwiches. Marion hides the money in a newspaper and over hears Norman being yelled at by an older woman claiming no whore is welcome into her home! Norman then runs sandwiches and milk down to the motel and the two eat together in the parlor.

They talk and some things seem to agitate Norman and Marion says she is going to bed. Norman watches as Marion gets undressed and ready to take a shower, soon after a woman runs into the bathroom knife in hand and Marion is stabbed repeatedly, Michael Myers style. Yes, yes the infamous shower scene. This part is the most widely remembered and talked about part of the movie.

Norman, up in the house with his mother keeps repeating that there is blood and runs to cabin 1. He then proceeds to clean up the body and blood and puts Marion, car and all into a swamp sharing land with the motel. Of course, then come those pesky family members looking for their loved one. Marion's sister Lila and boyfriend Sam hire private detective Milton Arbogast to find her. Lila, hoping if Arbogast finds Marion first she will return the money and be in less trouble, waits with Sam patiently for her missing sister. The detective calls and says he's checked the Bates Motel, knows she stayed there and things seem a bit fishy, he is going to look around more. Milton Arbogast goes into Norman's home wanting to speak to his mother and is met instead on the steps to the upstairs by a woman slicing his face open with a knife. Hours later, after no word from Arbogast, Lila and Sam go to the sheriff. They are then told the next morning the sheriff went to see Norman, nothing suspicious happened AND file a missing persons form. Lila won't give up on her sister and the two check into the motel as husband and wife. Sam distracts Norman while Lila goes up to the house where she discovers Norman dresses up as his dead mother, whose skeleton he has hidden in the fruit cellar. A Psychiatrist sees Norman and finds that Norman thinks he is his mother and goes back and forth between the two personalities.

Who knew it had nothing to do with 40,ooo dollars? I love this movie!! I must admit I'm not a HUGE black and white fan but this is a movie I could watch over and over! There of course is a remake...I can't say the same for it. Psycho was remade in 1998 with Vince Vaughn cast as Norman Bates. I love Vince he's that awesome obnoxious funny but backward psycho is not his strong suit. Anthony Perkins is a MUCH better Norman Bates!


Friday, October 30, 2009

My Bloody Valentine...

Where to start?!

The original My Bloody Valentine came out in 1981. The movie starts off with a man in a miner's suit hanging out in a mine with a woman who begins taking her clothes off. The miner puts his pick axe in the wall, the woman has a heart tattoo right in that spot where you know...the heart is...anyway...the miner slams the woman into the pick axe and the next thing you know there is a human heart in a heart shaped candy box. Fast forward much people are being killed by Harry Warden, or so people think, a man who was caught in a mine collapse and lived on the bodies of other miners. The moral of the story becomes the town can't celebrate Valentine's day because that is what led to the supervisor's of the mine leaving without making sure everything was done right. So Harry Warden is locked in an asylum and the town lives in fear of candy boxes with body parts. As the sheriff and mayor realize they cancel all festivities and tell everyone to go home, no parties, no dance, peace out!

Who knew the dumb fucks in town would have a party right at the mine?! Some of the kids go down into the mine cause the girls want to 'take a ride' on the mine cart. As they are walking through the mine they are slowly killed by one... Some kids get away drive to find the sheriff, tell him what's up and another goes down into the mine to get the others. These fuckers are running for their lives and then there were two. The two realize it's their very own friend...not Harry Warden...the sheriff comes..says Harry died 5 years back and viola it's Axel...his father was killed by Harry that first Valentine's day and little Axel saw the entire thing. He goes crawling off into the mine talking to Harry as if he were in his head. Basically, not the best movie.

So, I have to say I love the new one...I gave this one a shot...don't love it...I don't hate it...but there are quite a few differences and the newer is least I think. Characters are changed a bit, the story is better laid out...and much more in depth. My Bloody Valentine (1981) is...alright!

What better to do than continue watching movies on the wonderful night before Halloween?!?!?! We will keep bringing 'em to ya..


Sunday, October 25, 2009

Been a while...(again)

A crisis here, an emergency there...and it's been a while since we had a chance to do anything again...

So, the other day I got this lovely in the mail and I was just wondering if anyone else has seen it?!?

I don't know about anyone else but this is pretty fucking creepy? scary? horrible?? This came from know the ones who say EVERYTHING is awful and mean...and cruel...but would make a mask showing Ronald McDonald as the scariest fucking clown you've seen...

Anyway...this post doesn't have anything to do with them just a crazy pretty fucking scary mask (or so I think) that I got in the mail this week.

Am I the only one who finds that clown disturbing? I mean...I already have a serious fear/hate for clowns so this is just fucking scary to me...only me?

P.S. My scanner is the smallest piece of shit...sorry for the pics!